Thats right todays blog is about anxiety
Going in to hospital in a few weeks to have an unwanted thing removed from my body and Im worried about coming out a few ounces lighter maybe but with the attendant diseases or complications that most major hospitals seem to hand out willy nilly free of charge.
Meeting up with my boys birth father Sunday, thats right, Felix has my wit, my charm and look the little blighters got my teeth too but sadly no DNA in common. Donor baby. Who will be the most embarassed? The boy? oh my am I going to end up looking like that? The donor? I gave you my best shot and look what you ve done with it. The mother? with distant memories of a night of love with a turkey baster. Or me? innocent bystander. The donor will be accompanied by his real family, heres one I made later.
Some cash flow problems too not helped by my decision to spend my way out of this recession.
So not exactly High Anxiety but maybe just feeling of general ill-at-ease.
Thursday 13 August 2009
Sunday 2 August 2009
Went to an open air film showing at Somerset House last night with my boy Felix. It was raining but it stopped and a bit chilly and he moaned all the way through but me my problem is I can only see the positive side of things and I had a great time. West Side Story on the big screen in the open air and applause after each musical number how good can things get?
That bit at the end when the Jets pick up the body of Tony and two Sharks come forward to help, what? Brought a tear to my eye as it does every time I see it. Wasted on the youth.
Played a good gig in my big band at Brockwell Park this afternoon and met up with Heather who came to see. Heather (MBE this year) is a highly respected voluntary sector project manager and is still struggling finding a satisfactory relationship. Things may change but then again they may not.
Im off to France next week with my lovely boy and his equally lovely mother for a week, that will be interesting. Unlike today's blog.
So here's today's joke
I phoned the council and said I want a skip outside my house. He said I'm not stopping you.
That bit at the end when the Jets pick up the body of Tony and two Sharks come forward to help, what? Brought a tear to my eye as it does every time I see it. Wasted on the youth.
Played a good gig in my big band at Brockwell Park this afternoon and met up with Heather who came to see. Heather (MBE this year) is a highly respected voluntary sector project manager and is still struggling finding a satisfactory relationship. Things may change but then again they may not.
Im off to France next week with my lovely boy and his equally lovely mother for a week, that will be interesting. Unlike today's blog.
So here's today's joke
I phoned the council and said I want a skip outside my house. He said I'm not stopping you.
Thursday 30 July 2009
Pete Joyce
Went to Pete's funeral today, well to the Irish wake in the pub, the ceremony was probably just a little too high church for me.
Massive turnout and it makes me think, how many could I muster for my send off. It would have to be well trailed and promoted weeks in advance but you cant always plan it out that way can you. Pete, well not him of course but his family, promoted his through Faceboook and email that was weird getting an email from him after he had died saying No its not Pete its his dad just with funeral plans.
Pete was OK and he died the same age as my brother Darien but maybe for different reasons. Actually probably the same reasons you know 'Things just went wrong too many times' How many of you can spot the quote? Oh there is only me here.
I got an email from my distant lover who I met again last weekend at PortEliot festival. It was really so sweet and just the right level of romantic fantasy. Well if you cant have fantasy what the hell are you allowed to have?
Bye bye diary had a bit of worrying news today that was expected but still worrying. Ill try not to burden anyone with it but you know me and my big mouth.
Love ya
I wanted to put a joke in each post as Im essentially a funny guy. So here is today's:
Look its simple.
I had two Spanish guys working at the bakery and they were both called Juan.
So to avoid confusion I called one Juan Juan 1 and the other Juan Juan 2.
Well instead of paying them I gave them one loaf of bread for the work they did, I gave Juan 1 one and Juan 2 one too.
Then Juan 1 won one hundred pounds on the lottery so I gave Juan 2 three instead of one which Juan 1 got.
Thats when Juan 1 said what you give Juan 2 three for.
Massive turnout and it makes me think, how many could I muster for my send off. It would have to be well trailed and promoted weeks in advance but you cant always plan it out that way can you. Pete, well not him of course but his family, promoted his through Faceboook and email that was weird getting an email from him after he had died saying No its not Pete its his dad just with funeral plans.
Pete was OK and he died the same age as my brother Darien but maybe for different reasons. Actually probably the same reasons you know 'Things just went wrong too many times' How many of you can spot the quote? Oh there is only me here.
I got an email from my distant lover who I met again last weekend at PortEliot festival. It was really so sweet and just the right level of romantic fantasy. Well if you cant have fantasy what the hell are you allowed to have?
Bye bye diary had a bit of worrying news today that was expected but still worrying. Ill try not to burden anyone with it but you know me and my big mouth.
Love ya
I wanted to put a joke in each post as Im essentially a funny guy. So here is today's:
Look its simple.
I had two Spanish guys working at the bakery and they were both called Juan.
So to avoid confusion I called one Juan Juan 1 and the other Juan Juan 2.
Well instead of paying them I gave them one loaf of bread for the work they did, I gave Juan 1 one and Juan 2 one too.
Then Juan 1 won one hundred pounds on the lottery so I gave Juan 2 three instead of one which Juan 1 got.
Thats when Juan 1 said what you give Juan 2 three for.
Wednesday 29 July 2009
Lets do it again
Well I keep thinking of all the places we danced and surfed and all the faces we missed so lets get back together and do it again.
Well not really but I just had that tune in my head today.
Got a text from Jean saying we must meet up before she goes away to Africa. This is this woman who contacted me about a year ago I think through Facebook and said is it really you? She was the first woman, well girl I suppose, I had sex with and I was dying to meet up with her again.
She was this beatnik girl long black hair heavy glasses with a Joan Baez album and she took me to a room at a party and we had sex. I must have had some inkling as I had brought a condom. I remember Moxie was there and he gave me a knowing look. Moxie was this guy maybe a little older who was at all the parties and he had long red hair and beard and played the blues harp. Well.
I dont think I performed all that well but I remember the occasion clearly as if it was 50 years ago.
When we met up me and Jean, I reminisced about that party and she said I was completely wrong we had never had sex. Now whats that all about? I have built my life on that first time and now I am told it didnt happen. What traumatic episode must have happened in my life for me to substitute such an innocent tale of young love?
I actually think it did happen but she blocked it out because it was so deeply unpleasant for her. I wont disillusion her by insisting on the truth
Monday 27 July 2009
Getting started
The only reason I am here is I met an old friend and the only way I can stay in contact with her is to open a blog of my own.
But also its a good opportunity to start a diary for myself and just hope no one follows me.
I just came back from a brilliant weekend at Port Eliot festival on my own when my friends were at WOMAD rushing from stage to stage in the mud. Me I was swanning from oyster bar to cabaret tent totally and blissfully intoxicated and looking so cool and debonair and I looked up and she was there in the exact same place I met her was it two or three years ago.
Was she waiting there for me (oh grow up!) or did I go in the hope of seeing her again? I like to think she had turned up every year since just in case I was there but I know I had gone again because I had got such a charge out of meeting her and talking to her and dancing with her and I wanted to relive that experience. I know that doesnt happen but its really OK to go back to a place when you thought you were happy as long as you have no illusions.
You know what I was so taken aback at seeing her again looking like I never remembered her, she said she had lost weight, that I wasnt very coherent. Not my usual flirty funny and charming self.
And then she had to go.
I went back to her blog and read about her life or what she chose to expose to her public. Its a very funny account her of life with loads of dialogue!
Ill try and write about myself in my own way
But also its a good opportunity to start a diary for myself and just hope no one follows me.
I just came back from a brilliant weekend at Port Eliot festival on my own when my friends were at WOMAD rushing from stage to stage in the mud. Me I was swanning from oyster bar to cabaret tent totally and blissfully intoxicated and looking so cool and debonair and I looked up and she was there in the exact same place I met her was it two or three years ago.
Was she waiting there for me (oh grow up!) or did I go in the hope of seeing her again? I like to think she had turned up every year since just in case I was there but I know I had gone again because I had got such a charge out of meeting her and talking to her and dancing with her and I wanted to relive that experience. I know that doesnt happen but its really OK to go back to a place when you thought you were happy as long as you have no illusions.
You know what I was so taken aback at seeing her again looking like I never remembered her, she said she had lost weight, that I wasnt very coherent. Not my usual flirty funny and charming self.
And then she had to go.
I went back to her blog and read about her life or what she chose to expose to her public. Its a very funny account her of life with loads of dialogue!
Ill try and write about myself in my own way
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